Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
