I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize