Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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