the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize