if i can run in heels then i can drive
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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