I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize