I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
