ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
