I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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