So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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