I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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