Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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