DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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