Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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