when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
