why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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