you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
