Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
