you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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