i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Randomize
