there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
