3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
