Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
