You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
