8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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