yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
