So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
