I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
