2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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