sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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