Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
