there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize