Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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