you win again, gameday.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So. Much. Porn.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
