I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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