I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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