He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
