I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
