My hair reeks of homosexuality.
someone owes me an orgasm
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I want a musical about memes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
