you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Small penises have feelings too.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
