If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
