I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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