How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize