I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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