what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
