I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
