Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
