So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
