After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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