Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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