Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
