WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
