i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
