You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
