whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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