Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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