I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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