New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
