1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize