moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
