Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
