What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you win again, gameday.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
