Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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