So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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