She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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