apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
