Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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