I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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