SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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