I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
