Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
