just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
