After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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