Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
BRING THE BAGELS
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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