she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
