Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
