omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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