you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
