i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
