What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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