North Korea, Best Korea!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
