I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
