So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize