Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
