Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
