so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
