Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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